Stand up. Look down. You will see an appendage of amazing erotic ability dangling at waist level—your hand. Use it to massage your mate when she says she wants intimacy and doesn't necessarily mean sex. A massage is romance you can understand. It's practical. And it almost always leads to sex. Start with a good massage oil such as Neal's Yard Remedies Ginger & Juniper Warming Oil ($15 for 1.7 fluid ounces, nyrusa.com) or Naturopathica Arnica Muscle and Joint Massage and Body Oil ($28 for 4 fluid ounces, naturopathica.com). Avoid mineral or baby oils because they are absorbed too quickly into the skin. Don't forget to rub your hands together to warm them before applying the massage oil and the following techniques:

1 STROKE TOWARD THE HEART That means when you're working on her legs, stroke upward. On the arms, stroke downward.

2 EASE IN WITH EFFLEURAGE The French are experts at more than retreating. They know their massage. Effleurage is a simple stroke for loosening her up. It's a light, long, rhythmic stroke that generally runs with the grain of the muscle. On her legs, for example, use your cupped palms and gently glide upward. On her back, flatten your hands and broaden your strokes.

3 PLAY WITH PETRISSAGE This circular stroke is designed to squeeze the muscles and wring out tension from the shoulders, upper arms, legs, and buttocks. Use both hands to work the muscles in opposite directions: When stroking her thighs, for example, move one palm away from you as you slide it forward, and move the other toward you.

4 ROLL YOUR THUMBS This is best for working on tension knots. Use your thumbs, one after the other, to press into her flesh, sometimes moving circularly and other times just holding pressure on one point. Lean your weight into it.