SEX & RELATIONSHIPS - WHAT WOMEN WANT
2008.10.29
Get sweaty with her
A 10-year study of 168 couples by researchers at the University of Texas found that men and women who work out together as a couple have more-satisfying sex. Choose noncompetitive sports, such as hiking, road biking, running, and skiing, suggests Megan Babkes, Ph.D., a professor of social psychology of sport and physical activity at the University of Northern Colorado.
Instantly improve your relationship
Turn off the game.
Listen to her.
Repeat what she said.
Tell her that what she said makes sense.
Rule
Your wife’s happiness (and subsequently yours) is directly proportional to the number of times a day you call her.
Teach her to signal for sex
Because women are better communicators in general, we assume they’re good at communicating in the bedroom.
Not so. She may be in the mood for something special but too shy or proper to speak its name. The next time the two of you are getting playful, ask her to help you come up with a secret code word or phrase for a certain sexual act. (Example: “Honey, tonight let’s do the ‘Jenna Bush.’”)
Buy the right lingerie
Lingerie, when given as a gift, should stand out from what she wears every day, but not so much that she feels embarrassed wearing it. “If she doesn’t feel comfortable, you’ll never see it. But if she does feel comfortable and sexy, she’ll be proud to show you her wares,” says Rebecca Apsan, owner of La Petite Coquette (thelittleflirt.com), in New York City. A chemise (a thin slip or short, slinky French nightgown) is a safe bet on both accounts. Because it’s loose fitting, it will flatter her figure no matter what her body type—a feat that’s difficult to accomplish with more complicated panty sets.
When It Hits the Fan: You forgot her birthday
Immediately make reservations at her favorite restaurant. “Tell her, for example, that you knew her birthday was on Wednesday but that you wanted to take her out on Saturday,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. If she nailed your forgetfulness, however, the only option is to apologize profusely. Send a handwritten note and flowers to her workplace (that’s key) so her friends notice. “Flowers heal almost anything,” says Tessina. Follow with a romantic gift.
Give a better massage
“Think of massage as a theatrical experience,” says Gordon Inkeles, author of The Art of Sensual Massage. Dim the lights, play soft music, and warm the bedsheets (throw them in the dryer for a couple of minutes beforehand).
1 Grease your palms Light vegetable oils, such as safflower, scented with a few drops of lemon juice work just as well as expensive massage oils. Pour about 2 tablespoons into the palms of your hands and rub them together to warm the oil.
2 Knead her Place one open hand over the other and begin making small circles across her neck and shoulders (that’s where women carry most of their tension). Apply even pressure from your fingertips to the base of your palm. “Be generous,” Inkeles says. “Don’t limit a stroke to two or three repetitions. If you get those nice sighs of recognition, do 20 or 30 repetitions of the same stroke.”
Touch her in waves
When you’re stroking your partner, don’t move up and down her body in straight lines. If you move your hands in a wavy, irregular pattern, the nerves in her skin are surprised by your touch, and they become more excited.
Shower her with flower petals
Put flower petals atop the bedroom ceiling fan. Turn it on when she lies down.
Hypnotize your mother-in-law
She’s still frosty, and a family get-together is coming up. Instead of avoiding her, engage her in conversation, and talk with your hands at waist to midchest level—a confident yet nonconfrontational posture, says Tom Nicoli, a board-certified hypnotist and the author of A Better You by Hypnosis. When you’re alone, say in a friendly tone, “I know we got off on the wrong foot. Whatever happens, I want you to know that I love your daughter. I also know that you and I would like to get along, and (pause) I know that we will.” The pause wakes up her subconscious as you implant this positive suggestion. You’re being sincere while subtly telling her that you’re not going anywhere. You may never win her over, but you will make allies with the rest of the family by trying to thaw out Madame Ice.
How to help a woman on with her coat Stand behind her and to her right with the jacket just below her shoulder. Let her raise her arm, but guide the sleeve to her hand rather than have her flail and become ensnared. Once her arm is safely through, slide the jacket across her back and repeat on the port side, says Peter Post, author of Essential Manners for Men.
A little classical music Despite your best efforts to avoid it, you know some opera and classical music already: Bizet’s Carmen ( The Bad News Bears), Rossini’s The Barber of Seville (Bugs Bunny), Ravel’s Boléro (Bo Derek). When listening to opera, remember that it’s essentially a guy talking about problems with a woman, says Scott Speck, music director of the Mobile Symphony and the Washington Ballet. Play the bartender and see if you can decipher the problem. If you go to a performance, buy balcony seats. They’re cheaper, and the sound is better there.
A 10-year study of 168 couples by researchers at the University of Texas found that men and women who work out together as a couple have more-satisfying sex. Choose noncompetitive sports, such as hiking, road biking, running, and skiing, suggests Megan Babkes, Ph.D., a professor of social psychology of sport and physical activity at the University of Northern Colorado.
Instantly improve your relationship
Turn off the game.
Listen to her.
Repeat what she said.
Tell her that what she said makes sense.
Rule
Your wife’s happiness (and subsequently yours) is directly proportional to the number of times a day you call her.
Teach her to signal for sex
Because women are better communicators in general, we assume they’re good at communicating in the bedroom.
Not so. She may be in the mood for something special but too shy or proper to speak its name. The next time the two of you are getting playful, ask her to help you come up with a secret code word or phrase for a certain sexual act. (Example: “Honey, tonight let’s do the ‘Jenna Bush.’”)
Buy the right lingerie
Lingerie, when given as a gift, should stand out from what she wears every day, but not so much that she feels embarrassed wearing it. “If she doesn’t feel comfortable, you’ll never see it. But if she does feel comfortable and sexy, she’ll be proud to show you her wares,” says Rebecca Apsan, owner of La Petite Coquette (thelittleflirt.com), in New York City. A chemise (a thin slip or short, slinky French nightgown) is a safe bet on both accounts. Because it’s loose fitting, it will flatter her figure no matter what her body type—a feat that’s difficult to accomplish with more complicated panty sets.
When It Hits the Fan: You forgot her birthday
Immediately make reservations at her favorite restaurant. “Tell her, for example, that you knew her birthday was on Wednesday but that you wanted to take her out on Saturday,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. If she nailed your forgetfulness, however, the only option is to apologize profusely. Send a handwritten note and flowers to her workplace (that’s key) so her friends notice. “Flowers heal almost anything,” says Tessina. Follow with a romantic gift.
Give a better massage
“Think of massage as a theatrical experience,” says Gordon Inkeles, author of The Art of Sensual Massage. Dim the lights, play soft music, and warm the bedsheets (throw them in the dryer for a couple of minutes beforehand).
1 Grease your palms Light vegetable oils, such as safflower, scented with a few drops of lemon juice work just as well as expensive massage oils. Pour about 2 tablespoons into the palms of your hands and rub them together to warm the oil.
2 Knead her Place one open hand over the other and begin making small circles across her neck and shoulders (that’s where women carry most of their tension). Apply even pressure from your fingertips to the base of your palm. “Be generous,” Inkeles says. “Don’t limit a stroke to two or three repetitions. If you get those nice sighs of recognition, do 20 or 30 repetitions of the same stroke.”
Touch her in waves
When you’re stroking your partner, don’t move up and down her body in straight lines. If you move your hands in a wavy, irregular pattern, the nerves in her skin are surprised by your touch, and they become more excited.
Shower her with flower petals
Put flower petals atop the bedroom ceiling fan. Turn it on when she lies down.
Hypnotize your mother-in-law
She’s still frosty, and a family get-together is coming up. Instead of avoiding her, engage her in conversation, and talk with your hands at waist to midchest level—a confident yet nonconfrontational posture, says Tom Nicoli, a board-certified hypnotist and the author of A Better You by Hypnosis. When you’re alone, say in a friendly tone, “I know we got off on the wrong foot. Whatever happens, I want you to know that I love your daughter. I also know that you and I would like to get along, and (pause) I know that we will.” The pause wakes up her subconscious as you implant this positive suggestion. You’re being sincere while subtly telling her that you’re not going anywhere. You may never win her over, but you will make allies with the rest of the family by trying to thaw out Madame Ice.
How to help a woman on with her coat Stand behind her and to her right with the jacket just below her shoulder. Let her raise her arm, but guide the sleeve to her hand rather than have her flail and become ensnared. Once her arm is safely through, slide the jacket across her back and repeat on the port side, says Peter Post, author of Essential Manners for Men.
A little classical music Despite your best efforts to avoid it, you know some opera and classical music already: Bizet’s Carmen ( The Bad News Bears), Rossini’s The Barber of Seville (Bugs Bunny), Ravel’s Boléro (Bo Derek). When listening to opera, remember that it’s essentially a guy talking about problems with a woman, says Scott Speck, music director of the Mobile Symphony and the Washington Ballet. Play the bartender and see if you can decipher the problem. If you go to a performance, buy balcony seats. They’re cheaper, and the sound is better there.
