Gentlemen, I hate to be “that guy,” but I have to address the elephant in the room. If you haven’t noticed yet, we are currently surrounded by growing numbers of effeminate men who are more in touch with their feelings than any generation of men before (George Patton would be rolling in his grave). So, is it any wonder that so many nice guys are finishing last? Absolutely not. However, there is hope.
The nice guy is the far-too-trusting, asexual pushover who can’t land a second date. If this sounds like your vicious cycle, but you still want to be that irresistible stud to the ladies, here are a few tips to give your game that much needed pick-me-up. However, a word of caution: These are not tips on how to be a gentleman -- we’ve already covered that base. Take these unconventional pointers to be a Player as a nice guy.
What’s the perpetual problem that nice guys suffer from? Plain and simple, it’s being too nice. And the reason why it plagues so many nice guys is because the nice guy doesn’t have the confidence (and ostensible pride) to stand up and admit his own problem. Even worse, it’s harder for him to rise up and overcome the “Player as nice guy” status.
Confidence is the difference between a successful Player and pitiful pushover. The pushover supplicates and surrenders his will just to appease or please the object of his affection; this is the single most common reason why women aren’t attracted to the nice guys -- they are too easily conquered.
Here’s the simple solution: stand your ground. Don’t do what doesn’t feel right; that means don’t overspend, don’t agree with everything she says and don’t cower if you need to put in extra effort. You’re not her mirror image, so don’t act like it. Be polite when you disagree (and even bridge the awkward moment with a snappy or funny line). A gentle show of strength goes a long way.
If there’s one thing the Player as a nice guy is good at, it’s being patient. In fact, he might even be too good at it and waits too long. Conversely, this is where the jerk fails as well; he moves too fast, thinking a score can happen in a New York minute. A pickup requires a graceful balance of patience and haste.
To be the Player as a nice guy, you have to realize your window of opportunity. Since one-night stands are for only the most arduous Players (although not impossible, just few and far between for the nice guys), try and judge her character and reaction to your efforts. If things are going well and she’s displaying all the classic characteristics that she’s falling for you (smiling, eye contact, etc.), move in and close the deal. A common nice guy mistake is to dwell on whether she actually likes you or not, and by the time you muster up enough confidence to make a play, she’s slotted you in the dreaded ”friend zone.”
Think of it like a golf swing: Visualize a successful end, and avoid too much preparation, which will definitely cost you a successful score.