Don't we all love the typical hourglass shaped women? In my younger days I remember ogling women with slim waists and big assets. When I grew up, they didn't need to have all three, especially since the model fad arrived and more girls were getting skinner and less meatier at their assets - not counting Hollywood wonders where they can miraculously lose all their excess but manage to maintain their bustlines and butts.

The times had changed and I realised I no longer needed a woman with plump assets. I was just happy that my woman be a confident woman who could love herself as much as I love her. That alone was more than enough to turn a grown man on.

Let's get down to sex. The whole process of it really only demands for you to locate the right hole and bang the love out of her. It's not that difficult. Your hands can hold on to her waist, boobs, and even her hair. If she's too heavy to be on top, get on top of her and twist her like a pretzel. That's 2008 sex for you. Unfortunately that phase dies and every hole is just a hole. That's when it boils down to the woman you're with to turn you on.

Women appeal to men differently, but these are the points my woman should have that drives me to insanely want to rip off her clothes and make passionate love.

1. She must look good - not necessarily the hourglass sort of good looking but in general. She must have clean hair, and wear clothes that suit her. I get turned off by women who try to fit into a size smaller than she is. Thats where you see her Michelin tires bursting out of her pants and from under her bra line. It's kind of gross and I'd rather they just get into the M or L size they'd fit perfectly into.

2. She has to speak well - I am easily turned on my eloquent women. Although a woman's speech isn't as important as her heart and soul etcetera, communication is an essential in any relationship and hey guess what, I don't want to be the duck quacking with a hawing donkey. Its best to find someone who speaks like you and understands your lingo. Trust me, it works. I went out with a Brazilian lady before and although she was really hot and exotic, the things she said most were 'yes, no, ok, haha, yea, what? why? sorry? yes, ahaha'. Although I was incredibly turned on by her speech 'impediment' I couldn't see myself with her in the long run. She would be what I would call a good f***er but I wouldn't be able to care for her or understand her fully to proceed to a higher level of a relationship.

3. She should be kind, or a good person at least. I have heard of guys and their psycho girlfriend sagas and I sure don't like the idea of that. Girls with that sort of drama in their lives are needy, and I can't do needy. It's a major turn-off. But these needy girls sometimes prove to be the most loyal and the best wife in time - you just have to find what makes them happy and give it to them. Sadly, it ain't my love joint and that is all I have to offer.

4. A little breast helps - OKAY fine, a little meat on her chest helps as I love grabbing at it. Thats just me. I don't mind them small but flat (i'm talking completely flat, to the point of even my chest is fattier than hers) chests kinda make me feel like she's a boy. It's the whole paranoia thing. Anyway a little bit of tender breasts brushing against my hands are a major, major spine shivering turn on. Big is good, but too big is scary.

5. Her breath has to... not smell. It doesn't have to be minty or forever fresh, but I must admit we've all gone through the stinky breathed woman, and it's hard to kiss like that. The stench overwhelms my nostrils and I lose any sense of concentration. The only thought blinking on my brain is 'Oral-B mouthwash'.

6. Loving herself is the most attractive thing in a woman. Let's be honest with ourselves. You'd love a woman who cares about her well-being and tries to keep a steady career, fitness, social and love diet. I find that a total plus in sex and relationships. She doesn't have to be skinny or solid bellied, but the fact that she bother's about herself never fails to get a man to bare his pants.

Women don't have to look the stereotypical sexy in order to be shagadelic. Women are getting to be quite a species and so many other things matter more than the 34-25-36 stats.

But if God totally loved me, he'd grant me all the above AND a woman with fine stats!

Nope. Never gonna happen.