MENKNOWPAUSE.COM COMEDY - FASHION
A cliché start for a Paris Hilton article would be that Paris Hilton is an attention whore and that she would attach herself to anything and anyone and still get the attention that everyone though everyone is not just anyone and should be nobody. With that in mind, we take a look at some of the characters that Paris could play and could not have played over the recent influx of superhero movies.
1.The best superhero Paris Hilton would play...is herself
Its being reported that Paris Hilton and Stan Lee has been working on creating a character for her in an MTV cartoon based on herself. Before I continue with Paris, let me first say I am disappointed in Stan Lee in light of forgoing the creation of bad ass superheroes and villains to creating a comic worst than Slapstick.
"I’ve created a superhero with Stan Lee, which is [based on] me, and we’re doing a cartoon right now with MTV." That would be Stan Lee the co-creator of Spider-Man and X-Men and former president of Marvel Comics. Which begs the question, what will Hilton's comics-esque cartoon be called?
Paris would so own this role. However because its going to be on MTV and not just on the Internet we’re going to be seeing a lot of surface acting around here. Stan Lee’s going to have a tough time especially since he’s probably seen Paris Hilton naked more times than he’s watch the Teletubbies. You can’t exactly call this a performing art piece either because Paris’s shows generally tend to include more standing around in a pose appearing in fashion of all sorts saying her trademarked line, “That’s Hot.” But..we can’t think of anyone who would be better for this role.
So Paris Hilton – 1. Unknown Actress – 0.
2. Jean Grey From X-Men
The only Jean Grey Paris Hilton will be playing is the Jean Grey from Ex-Men. And this would involve guys that have supposedly have had sexual encounters with the questionable virgin Paris. Her powers include controlling people’s motor functions and giving them herpes.
A quick Wikipedia of Jean Grey
Why Paris won’t be able to play her: Jean Grey’s life has always been one that was overshadowed with protection and talent. She’s got troubles, little fights with her internal self, issues that are not worth using as a subject during a date with this one. Plus she’s totally not submissive and only uses her power for good.
Why Paris might be able to play her: Jean Grey’s biography claims that she had / has only been with two men. Cyclops and Wolverine. Paris claimed that she’s only had 2 boyfriends. Their names are Nick Carter, James Kennedy, Stavros Niarchos III, Rick Salomon, Jason Shaw, Simon Rex, Benji Madden. They have alot in common there.
3. Elektra from Daredevil
Why Paris Won’t be able to play Elektra: While tight spandex clothing is a signature fashion for Paris, skills with the sai (the one used in ninja turtles Raphael) is not a fantastic weapon for her. Instead what would be ideal is her credit card. Swipe them enemies to death, Paris!
A quick Wikipedia of Elektra (original)
Why Paris would be able to play Elektra: Who else can fall for a blind guy but Paris. My apologies to all blind people reading this, because you guys are on the losing end when Paris comes around. They say it never goes away. Herpes, that is.
4. Rogue from X-men
Why Paris Won’t be able to play Rogue: Flying and stuff is cool but not when you’re high and drunk. Especially when you consider Paris has a DUI record and has been to jail. She’s a tough cookie. But not Rogue. Inside she’s hurt that she can never have any physical contact with the person that she loves. And you remember when Paris wanted to swear off sex for a year and that didn’t work out? Yeah.
Why Paris Would be able to play Rogue: When Rogue touches somebody with her own skin, she absorbs a part of them and if she does it for too long, you’re gone baby. Not to overdo with the STD jokes over here, how about we try something new. Like Nicole Richie. Paris was her best friend, and Nicole Richie till today, doesn’t make headlines as much as Paris, except for the part where she had ridiculous boobage when she was pregnant. The media is definitely cruel.
5. Catwoman
Why Paris won’t be able to play Catwoman: For starters, Paris has dogs. Two which ran away, one died or something, and they all reside in her handbag. Need I say anymore? Catwoman doesn’t find the need to bring anything but her whip out. Which makes sense when she’s delivering her final blow. Paris just needs to spread her legs. Same concept but wrong weapon of choice.
Why Paris would be able to play Catwoman: I’m not entirely sure on this one but I think its undeniable that Paris is kinda hot. Did I just swear myself to Satan you might ask? Nope. Its true. The fact that she might probably have some kind of wang eating microorganism growing in her cooch might scare the living daylight and nightlights out of anyone. Which is what Catwoman’s goal is. Scare people with her looks. RAWR.
1.The best superhero Paris Hilton would play...is herself
Its being reported that Paris Hilton and Stan Lee has been working on creating a character for her in an MTV cartoon based on herself. Before I continue with Paris, let me first say I am disappointed in Stan Lee in light of forgoing the creation of bad ass superheroes and villains to creating a comic worst than Slapstick.
"I’ve created a superhero with Stan Lee, which is [based on] me, and we’re doing a cartoon right now with MTV." That would be Stan Lee the co-creator of Spider-Man and X-Men and former president of Marvel Comics. Which begs the question, what will Hilton's comics-esque cartoon be called?
Paris would so own this role. However because its going to be on MTV and not just on the Internet we’re going to be seeing a lot of surface acting around here. Stan Lee’s going to have a tough time especially since he’s probably seen Paris Hilton naked more times than he’s watch the Teletubbies. You can’t exactly call this a performing art piece either because Paris’s shows generally tend to include more standing around in a pose appearing in fashion of all sorts saying her trademarked line, “That’s Hot.” But..we can’t think of anyone who would be better for this role.
So Paris Hilton – 1. Unknown Actress – 0.
2. Jean Grey From X-Men
The only Jean Grey Paris Hilton will be playing is the Jean Grey from Ex-Men. And this would involve guys that have supposedly have had sexual encounters with the questionable virgin Paris. Her powers include controlling people’s motor functions and giving them herpes.
A quick Wikipedia of Jean Grey
Why Paris won’t be able to play her: Jean Grey’s life has always been one that was overshadowed with protection and talent. She’s got troubles, little fights with her internal self, issues that are not worth using as a subject during a date with this one. Plus she’s totally not submissive and only uses her power for good.
Why Paris might be able to play her: Jean Grey’s biography claims that she had / has only been with two men. Cyclops and Wolverine. Paris claimed that she’s only had 2 boyfriends. Their names are Nick Carter, James Kennedy, Stavros Niarchos III, Rick Salomon, Jason Shaw, Simon Rex, Benji Madden. They have alot in common there.
3. Elektra from Daredevil
Why Paris Won’t be able to play Elektra: While tight spandex clothing is a signature fashion for Paris, skills with the sai (the one used in ninja turtles Raphael) is not a fantastic weapon for her. Instead what would be ideal is her credit card. Swipe them enemies to death, Paris!
A quick Wikipedia of Elektra (original)
Why Paris would be able to play Elektra: Who else can fall for a blind guy but Paris. My apologies to all blind people reading this, because you guys are on the losing end when Paris comes around. They say it never goes away. Herpes, that is.
4. Rogue from X-men
Why Paris Won’t be able to play Rogue: Flying and stuff is cool but not when you’re high and drunk. Especially when you consider Paris has a DUI record and has been to jail. She’s a tough cookie. But not Rogue. Inside she’s hurt that she can never have any physical contact with the person that she loves. And you remember when Paris wanted to swear off sex for a year and that didn’t work out? Yeah.
Why Paris Would be able to play Rogue: When Rogue touches somebody with her own skin, she absorbs a part of them and if she does it for too long, you’re gone baby. Not to overdo with the STD jokes over here, how about we try something new. Like Nicole Richie. Paris was her best friend, and Nicole Richie till today, doesn’t make headlines as much as Paris, except for the part where she had ridiculous boobage when she was pregnant. The media is definitely cruel.
5. Catwoman
Why Paris won’t be able to play Catwoman: For starters, Paris has dogs. Two which ran away, one died or something, and they all reside in her handbag. Need I say anymore? Catwoman doesn’t find the need to bring anything but her whip out. Which makes sense when she’s delivering her final blow. Paris just needs to spread her legs. Same concept but wrong weapon of choice.
Why Paris would be able to play Catwoman: I’m not entirely sure on this one but I think its undeniable that Paris is kinda hot. Did I just swear myself to Satan you might ask? Nope. Its true. The fact that she might probably have some kind of wang eating microorganism growing in her cooch might scare the living daylight and nightlights out of anyone. Which is what Catwoman’s goal is. Scare people with her looks. RAWR.
1
